"Would you think less of me - if I told you I've lived my entired life a little off-key?"

By 3:12 PM



I love the frozen-in-time character created by black and white photography, how it hushes you to focus
on that millisecond that has been suspended.

“I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with.
Tell me why you loved them,
then tell me why they loved you.

Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through.
Tell me what the word home means to you
and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name
just by the way you describe your bedroom
when you were eight.

See, I want to know the first time you felt the weight of hate,
and if that day still trembles beneath your bones.

Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain
or bounce in the bellies of snow?
And if you were to build a snowman,
would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms
or would leave your snowman armless
for the sake of being harmless to the tree?
And if you would,
would you notice how that tree weeps for you
because your snowman has no arms to hug you
every time you kiss him on the cheek?

[...]

Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion
or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?

[...]

I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling good.
I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling bad.
I wanna know the first person who taught you your beauty
could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass.

If you ever reach enlightenment
will you remember how to laugh?

Have you ever been a song?
Would you think less of me
if I told you I’ve lived my entire life a little off-key?
And I’m not nearly as smart as my poetry
I just plagiarize the thoughts of the people around me
who have learned the wisdom of silence.

[...]

See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living.
I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving,
and if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes.
I wanna know if you bleed sometimes
from other people’s wounds,
and if you dream sometimes
that this life is just a balloon —
that if you wanted to, you could pop,
but you never would
‘cause you’d never want it to stop.

If a tree fell in the forest
and you were the only one there to hear —
if its fall to the ground didn’t make a sound,
would you panic in fear that you didn’t exist,
or would you bask in the bliss of your nothingness?

And lastly, let me ask you this:

If you and I went for a walk
and the entire walk, we didn’t talk —
do you think eventually, we’d… kiss?

No, wait.
That’s asking too much —
after all,
this is only our first date.” 

- Andrea Gibson, Asking too Much

Black Sesame and Adzuki Beans Totoro Macarons (:

Black Sesame and Sweet Adzuki Beans Totoro Macarons 


Servings: 35-40 macarons


Ingredients: 


Sweet Azuki Filling:
Recipe from Maangchi
(Note: There will be a loooot of it left, but it's so good I just finished it all within a few days by the spoonful)


Black sesame macaron shells:
Recipe from uTry.it


90g egg whites (about 3), preferably aged 3-5 days in the fridge
pinch of kosher salt
30g granulated sugar
185g powdered sugar

60 g almonds, ground
55 g black sesame seeds, ground (I bought a pre-processed package since my food processor is ancestral)
1 teaspoons vanilla extract


Black sesame swiss buttercream:
Adapted from uTry.it

1/3 cup white granulated sugar
2 large egg whites

1 1/2 sticks (6 ounces) unsalted butter, softened at room temperature
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup black sesame seeds, ground

Pinch of kosher salt

Preparation: 


Sweet Azuki Filling:
1) Pour the soaking water out and rinse the beans for a second time. Then, place them in a thick-bottomed pot.
2) Add 2 cups of water. Cover the pot, bring to a boil for 7-10 minutes and then reduce the heat, letting it simmer on low for about 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until the beans or soft but not mushy. Be careful: check on your pot to make sure that the water doesn't run out or your beans will burn (happens to me 70% of the time)
3) Test your beans. If they are still hard in the middle you have to simmer them a little bit more. Check again every 5 minutes.
4) When your beans are ready, drain the water and add to the pot the sugar, vanilla and salt. Combine thoroughly. At this point, if your beans have been overcooked they might turn pretty pasty.
5) Put the pot back on the stove and turn the heat on low. Stir for about 5 minutes. If it's too dry, add a bit of water, 1 tablespoon at the time.
6) Set aside to cool, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until needed.

Black sesame macaron shells:
1) In a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, whip the egg whites and salt on high, gradually add the sugar until stiff peak forms.
2) Place the powdered sugar, almonds, sesame seeds, and vanilla powder in a food processor and process until the nuts and seeds are finely ground.
3) Add them to the meringue. Fold the mixtures carefully until you obtain a batter that falls back on itself after counting to 10. The whole process takes about 40 to 50 strokes.
4) Test a small amount on a plate; if the tops flatten on its own after counting to 10, the batter is ready. If there is a small beak, give the batter a couple more folds.Fill a freezer ziplock back with a large plain tip with the batter and pipe small rounds (1 inch to 1.5 inches in diameter) onto parchment paper or silicone mats lined baking sheets.  

5) Preheat the oven to 280F. Let the macarons sit out at room temperature for 30 minutes to an hour to harden their shells and bake for 18 to 22 minutes, depending on their size. Rotate baking pans once half way through baking. Cool completely on wire rack before removing macaron shells from baking sheets. 

Black sesame swiss buttercream:
1) In the bowl of a stand mixer or a heat proof bowl, add the sugar and egg whites together. Whisk constantly over a saucepan of simmering water. Keep whisking the mixture over the heat, until it feels hot to the touch and foamy, about 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from heat and place the bowl back to the stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment and beat the meringue on medium high until it cools. 
2) Switch to the paddle attachment and add the butter, one tablespoon at a time, beating until smooth. Once all the butter is in, add the sesame seed powder. Beat the buttercream until thick and very smooth, about 6-10 minutes.

Assembling the macarons:
1) Fill sesame seed buttercream in a freezer ziplock bag (they're thicker and won't burst with pressure), cut a small hole at one of the bottom corners and fit in a medium round tip.
2) Pipe the buttercream on one macaron shell, create a small depression with a teaspoon in the middle of the buttercream and dollop a small amount of azuki bean in the middle (If there is no buttercream covering the shell, the azuki beans leak a bit of syrup, rendering your macarons soggy).
3) Then, spread on a very thin layer of buttercream just enough to cover the filling and top with another macaron shell. Repeat until all shells are filled.



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